


Take The Shirt Off

by TBCat



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Flirting, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TBCat/pseuds/TBCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Packs of wolves naturally experience bonding. Teenagers are hormonal hooligans. As is natural, a flirt-off eventually occurs. </p><p>(Come for bad pick up lines.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take The Shirt Off

"Are you a mechanic, 'cause you certainly look like you could give me a ride."

The pack stopped for a second as they tried to process this. Stiles had just came out of the newly renovated Hale house with sodas for the assembled werewolves, and dropped into Boyd's lap after handing them out.

Erica broke the silence by almost falling out of the cushioned porch swing with laughter, "Fine, fine, Stiles, I'll pay to fix your jeep." She paused before adding, "But maybe I can pay you back in a different way?"

Boyd caught on that Stiles wasn't serious, and shoves Stiles off his lawn chair without a care. The werewolf had never been so glad for his darker skin tone in his life, but it did help to hide his blush. Derek wasn't so lucky, and tried to hide his bodily reaction with a scowl and sip of his beer. It helped that the alpha werewolf was leaning in the shadowy porch corner.

Isaac shifted from where he was sitting on the porch steps, and next to him Scott gaped. The crooked-jawed Latino blurted out, "Why are you hitting on Boyd? Why isn't Erica attacking you in a jealous rage?!"

Stiles pouted at Boyd from the ground before cuddling up to Erica on the porch swing and saying, "Don't go giving her ideas, Scott! She bet that I would never hit on Boyd without realizing that I am the master of cheesy pickup lines." The gangly teen's accompanied flailing made his shared seat swing, and Erica giggled as she tucked her mane of curly blond hair behind her ears.

"Please, Stiles, don't embarrass yourself." As she spoke Erica smirked apple red lips and adjusted her cleavage before settling against Stiles. It was obvious, and outrageous, and Stiles laughed like a hyena. Erica narrowed her eyes, dramatically framed by makeup, and said "Is that a challenge?"

Stiles leaned in close to the she-wolf, human eyes meeting hers in delight, and said "It's no challenge to get me in bed."

Issac choked on his drink and Scott had to pat his back. It was the worst thing Isaac could do to himself, as suddenly he had everyone's attention.

Stiles and Erica side-eyed each other with conniving grins, and Derek scowled. He hadn't liked this so far, and he spoke up before they could, "Whatever you're about to start, I'm not involved." The two pouted at Derek with eerie synchronization.

Stiles caved first, rolling his eyes before addressing the other boys, "Pack bonding time. This is important guys. We all have a free-for-all flirt fest, and if you get uncomfortably turned on or am faced with a superior come-on of epic proportions, you bow out!"

Erica jump, "Last person standing is Queen!"

Stiles argued jokingly, "Or King." Then the two turned beseeching eyes upon their friends.

Scott caved first because he was too well trained by Stiles, and jumped in by turning to Boyd: "If I say you have a nice body will you hold it against me?"

As Stiles and Erica cackled, Boyd replied, "I can name some things I want to hold against you." His deadpan response was as immediate as Scott's answering blush.

Isaac jumped in after a nervous swallow and purred at Boyd, "Want to have a private puppy pile?"

The reply of, "I definately want to pet you," had a curly-haired head ducking.

Before Issac could recover, Scott jumped in with earnest eyes and said, "Will you touch me biblically so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?"

Isaac almost lost his nerves, cheekbones red with blush as he countered "Are you going to corrupt me?"

Stiles decided to finally cut in, and spared Scott from responding by saying "Next time we sleep over you can certainly share my bed. I sleep naked, you know." Scott whined in distress,  and raised his hands in surrender.

"Duude, Bro Code rule 23!" Scott groaned, "No mentioning sleepovers with sex!" Stiles grinned unabashedly.

Erica tossed her head and declared, "Alpha, I've been craving some barbecue." At the pack's confused attention she grinned salaciously and added, "I really know how to handle a thick piece of meat."

The intensity and volume of Derek's irritated growling increased.

Stiles leaned towards Isaac and purred, "I just moved you to the to of my to-do list."

Isaac turned instead to Erica and looked contemplatively at how her legs hung off the side of the porch swing. The he looked up at her through lowered eyelashes and simpered, "Nice legs. What time do they open?"

Erica teased her lower lip with manicured nails before saying, "Well, are you into handcuffs and leather?" Boyd tried to act like he was not watching with wide eyes, and that he had not just crossed his legs. Isaac stared for a little while before making a meep noise and ducking down. Erica cheered at her victory.

Stiles nodded his head in acknowledgement before turning to the side and calling out, "I'm sure the Alpha could show me a thing or two about leather!"

The aforementioned alpha burst into motion and stalked into the house with a snarl. The slam of the front door was accompanied by Stiles's and Erica's uncontrolled laughter. Minutes later he came back out with a bucket of soapy water and a rag, saying "I'm washing my car. Don't. Bother. Me."

Stiles shrugged and turned his attention to Boyd, "You know what they say: 'Once you go black you never go back.'"

Boyd frowned pensively and replied, "But I like your... Back."

Erica jumped Boyd with, "We don't have to be the last two people on earth to get together."

He answered, "It's taking me a lot not to make you the happiest woman alive right now."

Stiles joined the bombardment with, "You give me Jungle Fever."

Boyd rattled off, "I have been told I have animal magnetism."

Erica got up and sashayed into Boyd's lap, saying, "You definately know how to make me scream," before dropping her head to whisper something in his ear. Scott and Issac turned an interesting shade of beet. Derek dropp the rag he had been squeezing out.

Boyd quietly murmured, "I give."

Stiles badgering for what she said went unanswered. Eventually he gave up and muttered at Erica, "I could make all sorts of interesting noises for you."

"Hey what's your Dad's number? Cause there aught to be a law against you being anywhere but my bed."

"Well I know I wouldn't mind pulling you over."

"You don't need to lock me up but you can if you want to."

"Well if you're ever tied up I'm happy to lend you a hand."

Isaac head went back and forth between the two like it was a tennis match; Erica in Boyd's lap and Stiles sprawled across the porch swing. He slyly interjected, "Hey, why not have the winner be whoever makes Derek react?" Derek stiffened up in obvious disagreement with that idea. Erica and Stiles's lit up face clearly expressed their appreciation for the tie-breaker.

Erica upped it by adding, "Winner pays for a shopping spree at Comic Bug?"

Stiles grinned ferally and lazily called out to Derek, "I think you missed a spot on the hubcap." When the alpha started to bend down mistrust fully to doublecheck, Stiles laughed and said, "I'm lying. I just want to see you bent over."

As Derek straightened in a positively comical manner, facing away from the pack, Erica sympathetically told him, "Would you prefer me bent over?"

"Want to check the backseat with me?"

"You smell that? That's the smell of me. Wanting you."

"What are you doing with all that junk! All that junk in your trunk!"

In between her snorts, snuffles, and flat-out laughter, Erica added, "I can make, make, make you drunk. Drunk on my love humps."

It was obvious that Derek was Reaching his limit. "Come- heh- come on, this is ridiculous. Derek is obviously uncomfortable," Stiles took pity on the alpha werewolf, "Just Derek, you do like me, right? We are friends, right? I mean, there was all the holding me up against flat surfaces. My point is- well, I... I have something important to say." All the other wolves had stopped grinning and laughing, and instead were focused on Stiles. The teen had moved into a sitting position. He was bouncing his knee nervously. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he could say what he he wanted. Derek turned to face Stiles with actual concern and Stiles looked up. Derek raised an eyebrow at Stiles in anticipation.

Stiles stuttered "I - well - Derek..."

Derek's other eyebrow joined in.

Stiles suddenly grinned, "Take your shirt off!" He shouted.

The wet rag hit Stiles right in his wide open, laughing mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old work that I am finally posting that is completely un-beta'd and only exists because my friend told me to write it when I joked about bad pick up lines. Enjoy the early time happiness! My personal apologies for the lower quality of the work. If you have an idea and for some crazy reason want to share it with me, I am open to hearing it even if I am slow to respond/write/post.
> 
> EDIT!  
> I forgot to link to the art that inspired this: http://attention-bot.tumblr.com/post/33336001195/teen-wolf-its-a-show-about-a-20-something
> 
> EDIT!!  
> This used to have the tag "Sterek if you squint," but a commenter pointed out why they disliked that in a reasonable manner and as such I have removed the tag. I originally used that tag out of the worry that my writing would reflect one of my ships, but instead consider this the only acknowledgement of that.


End file.
